Does the stigma of living with parents stop you from dating?

And if it does...here's all the reasons why it shouldn't!

After a few comments and DMs in my socials this week, it’s apparent a lot of us ARE struggling with putting ourselves out there if we’re still living with Mum and Dad. So, it’s time to remove this unconscious bias we hold against each other but most importantly, against ourselves. And to give ourselves the permission to show up and date, no matter what our living situation might be.

And particularly for single guys. Who I can’t deny, probably suffer the bigger stigma. How are they supposed to attract a girl when they can’t even provide for themself? As a sister to a brother who’s also at home, I know the pressure to establish themself and provide is STRONG. What’s the point until they have x and y to offer? And yes, there will be women who won’t look at a guy twice if they don’t have their own place. And yes, that’s pretty shitty. But it’s not all women. I promise you. 

I dated a guy at the beginning of the year who was living at home too. He'd moved back in with his parents after a breakup and because he had a good relationship with them. Like me, he didn’t see the point in struggling financially or mentally and when he didn't have to. We didn’t make it past 3 dates but that had absolutely nothing to do with where he was living.

But I’m not the only one. There ARE women out there who understand just how bloody crazy it is to live independently right now. Because a single woman is struggling with exactly the same issues. 

The cost-of-living crisis and the housing market is something even couples are failing to cope with. And it’s not just financial struggles either. I think those of us living alone during lockdowns, were introduced to extreme loneliness for the first time too. For me, I don’t think I was aware of the scale of it at the time but when I’m house sitting now or have a few days by myself, I really notice the dive in my mental health.  And a girl may not be living with her parents because she just doesn’t have that option. So she's living with friends or housemates instead. Or maybe she’s able to live alone both financially and mentally. But it doesn’t mean she won’t have the compassion to understand why someone else isn't.

‘Where you’re living doesn’t represent who you are as a person.’ 

And for anyone that judges you based on where you’re currently residing or for what you can offer them…are they really someone you would want to take on a date anyway? 

On the flip side, I also dated a guy who owned his own home. But he was struggling to afford the lifestyle he wanted. And who for me, spent far too much energy moaning about how unfair it was, rather than doing anything substantial to change it. Instead, simply waiting for Mrs Right to come along and split half the bills and the price of a holiday with! It was his lack of gumption to create a better life for himself, independently of a partner that I didn't like. House or no house. Because I value ambition and taking self-responsibility.

Because ultimately, it’s values that are important. For example, are you scared that someone might think it’s ‘weird’ to have a good relationship with your family or that you (god forbid) actually enjoy living with them? If you are then can I ask why? Because is this also going to be someone who’s going to share the same family values that you have? I’m thinking probably not! So why are you worrying or sad about the fact these potential partners might not be interested in you? Or in hanging out with your family too for that matter!

Tap here to read more comments like these and my video response to this particular one!

And for my ladies out there who might feel just as embarrassed as the guys I get it. I found myself following up my ‘I live with my parents’ responses with about 4 paragraphs justifying it! But I stopped myself doing that. Because my reasons for living at home were justified to me and at the end of the day, if a guy was unable to understand that or at least find the compassion or to try… then they just weren’t going to be the person for me.

And I think this is important when we find ourselves judging others too. There are SO MANY reasons why someone is living with their parents. For more financial stability, to relieve loneliness, to help care for elderly or disabled family members, to save money, to facilitate a career change, to start a business, to recover from a bad break-up or… just because they bloody want to!

Living at home with your parents doesn’t = failure as an adult. Or that you don’t want to grow up or are incapable of looking after yourself.

For many of us living at home right now, we've probably had to move back in rather than having never moved out. And our reason for moving back has required so much STRENGTH! To maybe leave a toxic relationship or quit a job to pursue our dreams. It's just where you're living during this chapter in your life that's all. And it's not permanent because nothing in life ever is!

So whatever YOUR reason is for living at home right now, please remember you’re just as worthy and deserving of a loving partner as anyone who might be lucky enough to own the roof over their head.

There are many many reasons why you might not want to date right now too. As someone who hasn't dated since Feb I can absolutely relate! But please please please don’t let living with your parents be one of them.