Why do we always choose the door that never works?

Just because we want different things and are doing life differently, it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.

What I’ve been loving here on Substack so far, is reading other writers and creatives also navigating their entrepreneurial path. The discomfort and delusion of trying to make it their more full-time thing. That fine balance between making money out of it without killing their creativity altogether. How to do it YOUR way without getting strapped down in the ‘shoulds’. To be brave enough to leave the comfort of a career deemed more ‘commercial’.

How to ride the wave of entrepreneurship and be brave enough to stand all the way up on the board.

And how actually, these self employment struggles apply to most of the ‘rules’ this community waves their two fingers at. From the traditional relationship dynamic we’re supposed to chase to where or how we live or whether we even want kids.

So I thought I’d use this week’s post to share my own ‘boss babe’ imposter syndrome, to hopefully inspire you to overcome your ‘other way’ hurdles in life too.

There are two doors in front of me right now. Both feel equally stiff and neither easier to open.

So why do I keep trying to put all my weight behind the one I already KNOW doesn’t take me to where I want to go? A door that only leads me to turning around and wanting to come straight back out. This will be the third time now!! I think even a rat in a lab would have probably figured out that it’ll only lead to a dead end.

This is the corporate door. Boring to me but validating because it’s what success look like to most. Where a lazy day means you’ll still get paid. A big cozy security blanket of the same salary every month. Something you just have to suck up for 40 hours of your life a week. And when you look at it like that… the struggle doesn’t seem so hard. Especially when I have a career in finance and where the reward has always been so high.

But I blew up my life 3 years ago because I hated it so much. And again only 18 months after returning through the same door. Because I couldn’t ignore the constant thoughts of … “surely there’s got to be more?!”

Neither door is better or worse by the way. So much of me wishes I could be happier with employment and a more regular job. But as you’ve learnt across my many posts by now, not much of me conforms to the world we ‘should’ want. And at nearly 40, I’m finally allowing myself to want what’s outside the box.

But seriously though, how am I here again almost 5 months later? Still stood outside the door and jiggling with the handle. Why can’t I just walk all the way through the self employed one for once? I’m basically in the room anyway and it practically has a big flashy neon arrow above it saying, “choose this one!”

Especially right now when the corporate door is just as challenging to open. Where the safety belt of employment is getting looser and looser. In the middle of a job market that feels oh so 2008. Plus the resurgence of bringing everyone back to bloody office in a city I absolutely do not want to live in again. (Sorry London but we’re done!) So why the hell am I not putting in the same effort to try and open a door I actually want more?

How many times do we need to learn our lesson before we’re ready to give something new a go?

I think it’s because we DO know where the door goes. It’s more certain. More comfortable. You may have only just peaked behind the scarier one or maybe you’ve even managed to step through it. But you still haven’t been able to take your hand off the knob and let it fully shut behind you. Too scared to let it go.

I’m with you. Plus most of the people around you are taking the other door. So even though you know that’s not the way YOU want to go…because everyone else is…it’s so hard to not want to follow.

But sometimes self awareness isn’t enough. No matter how much you know it’s not where or what you want. No matter how much you hated the ride, you still want another go around the loop. The conditioning and expectations of those around you making it so hard to just let go and give up.

I already shared my pattern app reminder this year, about how we viewed the world at 18 years old and to be more open to the unknown. (It also happens to bang on about doors!) I think it’s the perfect reminder again, to embrace newness and adventure. To try and dig ourselves out of the conditioning we’ve been buried under over the last 20 or so years.

To not feel stupid or scared to walk through the other door. No matter how logical it seems or how big the neon sign is telling you to take it. To still need to encourage yourself kindly to walk through. To reassure yourself that you can come back out of it again if you need to. Or even to keep going on dates with guys rather than girls or to apply for jobs you don’t even want.

Whatever your different looks like to you… you might have to keep walking through the wrong door a few times … until you realise going backwards just has to stop.

And it’s exactly why I created this community. So that we can hold each others hands and walk through the doors we really want to be walking through together. For support in anything in life that isn’t what society says we ‘should’ do. Just because we’re wanting different things and doing life differently, it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.

Even though we ‘think’ one way is easier than the other. It’s very often not the case. Employed is hard. Entrepreneurship is difficult. Relationships are tough. Single life is a struggle. Travel and living out of a suitcase brings insecurities in the same way paying a mortgage every month might feel constricting.

It’s just that our brains and conditioning and the people around us make us feel that one way or choice is easier than the other. And I don’t know about you but I’d rather choose the struggle that I know MY head and heart truly wants instead.

If you enjoyed this post then I would really appreciate it if you can like, comment, restack and share so that others can discover how to embrace ‘the other way’ in life more too.